Changing and Self-criticism: When does it end?
Have you ever held back for fear of rejection – and missed an opportunity?
Did you ever want to ask a question, decided not to ask, and then regret it?
Do you publicly blame yourself? or, do you silently call yourself names for not having acted as you wanted?
First of all, know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Fear (insecurity-doubt) is not a personal thing, it is not about you or me, it is Universal: It is part of the human condition.
We are designed for success, we are nature in human form: female and male intrinsically connected, dynamic, constantly learning and changing. We are made of the same energy that is behind all things in life.
Since Nature/Life is resilient, and we are a manifestation of life we are resilient, therefore … changing, falling and bouncing back to center is just part of being human. We are one big family, one human race. As we look around free of judgements we see that we are naturally: perfectly human!
As we are constantly thinking, we feel, we perceive, we experience the life force flowing through us. There is a wide range of feelings constantly flowing through our system. Thought, or our ability to think is constant, but the specific content of our thinking and the corresponding feelings are temporary. As we describe a day of our life we can easily fit some of these feelings: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, Envy, Jealousy, Impotence, Hopeful, Confident, Peaceful, Shame, Guilt, Worry, Anxiety, Boredom, or Love. Do you remember a time when you experience any or all of these feelings? Can you see how our state of mind is always changing?
Well, all those feelings and many more are available to all of us at any given time. Our personal preferences (criticism) may want to choose which feelings are welcomed, and which ones are unwanted, but that is not for us to decide.
All thoughts, feelings, and experiences are temporary, and we are resilient: we are designed to experience thoughts and feelings, and bounce back to peace of mind, and confidently see the resources available to us.
How is your relationship with the feelings you experience? Do you accept them as they arrive? Or Do you dislike them, and wish you could change them?
Would like to learn to change your relationship to your thoughts, and feelings? We can’t change the thoughts and feelings that show up, but we can change our relationship to them. Just like dealing with the seasonal changes, or the weather, we can’t change the weather; but we can change our response to it.
What is a feeling? For the purpose of this conversation; a feeling is an ‘energy’ no more, no less. A feeling is an energy that changes form (content-story) as it flows through the human system, and we (the thoughts) attach a meaning to that energy, and that meaning shapes our relationship to that particular feeling.
Let us talk about fear today: Fear of pain (emotional, or physical discomfort), fear of criticism and ridicule, fear of rejection and abandonment, fear of loneliness and disconnection, fear of old age, fear of being forgotten, or fear of not having mattered to anyone in life. Fear of death, and fear of dying alone.
Remember all feelings are energy temporarily flowing through your system. All thoughts and feelings are constantly changing (transitory). An idea appears in our head with the corresponding feeling, and within a minute another idea will show up, the feeling will change, and we will have a completely different experience.
Idea arises – idea passes
Inhale; exhale, inhale; exhale
Birth; death, birth; death
Everything is in constant motion; this experience will also pass. No need to fear the experience, life is a sequence (series) of temporary experiences passing by.
Our capacity to think can be our best asset, (or our worst enemy) if we understand how it works, and learn how to relate to it.
–Me: A thought that I don’t know I am having says: “There is something wrong with you, you are either too much, or not enough. Stop writing, nobody cares to hear what you have to say. Shut up already.” (Be aware that sometimes the inner dialogue speaks in first person (I) or in second person (you)).
How do I deal with that? I may give up, hide, get busy doing other things, get angry and get into forced action, or distract myself: watch TV, eat, or reach for that tub of ice cream!
Others times, I see the story in my head for what it is: a temporary idea passing by, I decide to go for a walk, or reach out to a friend and slowly return to center.
Why does it work?
Because once we recognize Thought in action: we see how the mind works, and feel more confident and hopeful, despite the natural mental state changes: peaceful or agitated .
-When the mind is agitated we feel insecure and hopeless. In that agitated state; our mind has the capacity to convince us that we are not OK, that we are incomplete, and therefore, there is something wrong with us.
-On the other hand, when the mind is peaceful, we understand; and remember that we are deeply OK and complete. We know that we are nature in human form and since nature is resilient; we are resilient. When we are in a peaceful state of mind; we remember that we are designed to bounce back, no need to fear any feeling or experience.
There are many ways to return to balance and mental health: coaching, therapy, shadow work, meditation, tapping, journaling, talking to a friend, mindfulness, going for a walk, etc., etc. Everybody has a way to return to center, because that is our true nature. We always find the bridge to return home: We are resilient.
How it works
An idea (thought) appears in our head with the corresponding feeling, we experience it, and then it disappears on its own. A perception (thought) appears in our head with the corresponding feeling, we experience that, and then it disappears on its own. Within minutes another thought will show up, the feeling will change, and we will have a new experience, on and on. That is the nature of human thinking. Our state of mind fluctuates: peaceful, or agitated. There is nothing wrong with you, states of mind change depending on the story occupying your mind at the moment, and always return to a good feeling: peaceful, confident, and resourceful.
Understanding the transitory nature of thought, and knowing that we are always connected to wisdom and well-being promotes a good feeling: peaceful confidence.
The feeling is always the signal: peaceful, confident, and resourceful, or agitated, insecure, and helpless (Remember, when agitated: Don’t spin the story).
The feeling is information about our state of mind, and our state of mind determines how we respond or react to the next moment.
Listen for, and look for that peaceful feeling. When you find that feeling; you have found the bridge back home.
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